A DIFFERENT TAKE

Gore Children Sit Upstairs Frightened After Dad Ruins Another Family Dinner
G.T. Johnson

Nashville, TN-- The four children of former Vice President and environmental activist Al Gore sat nervously in their bedrooms Tuesday evening as their parents engaged in a heated fight in the downstairs kitchen. Daughters Kristin, 32, and Sarah, 31, were visiting Al and Tipper Gore after a skiing trip in Gatlinburg, while eldest daughter Karenna, 36, was in town with her husband Dr. Andrew Schiff. Albert III, 26, made a rare appearance from his parents’ basement to join the family for dinner.

Joined by Dr. Schiff, the family exchanged in pleasant conversation over their meal until a comment by Tipper on the weather created an uncomfortable moment at the table. “Were you able to park in the garage? It sure is cold outside.” The children stopped eating, knowing how much their father hates when anyone mentions the cold. They slowly looked up from their meals and nervously glanced over at their dad who was staring across the table at their mom. They sunk down in their seats, fearing another overreaction.

“Kids, why don’t you go to your rooms,” said Al Gore as he moved his fingers along the toothed blade of his steak knife.

Dr. Schiff’s mother offered reporters a comment on the situation. “Andrew called me at about 7:30 last night. He said that Karenna’s mom and dad were fighting in the kitchen and that he was really scared. When I went to go pick him up I could hear screaming from the kitchen and blood was coming out from under the door.”

Tipper stood in the corner weeping frantically while Al inexplicably plunged his knife into the flesh of their cat, skinning it alive while he yelled at his wife for trying to undermine proven science in front of their children. At the top of the stairs, Karenna held her arms around her crying sisters as she listened to the sounds of her howling mother and shrieking kitten. Karenna hated for her younger siblings to hear their parents fight, and tried to reassure them that mom and dad were not getting a divorce. In the basement, young Albert hid under his bed while covering his ears with his hands.

When leaving the house early Wednesday morning to go pick up her husband and drive back home, Karenna offered to tell reporters, “Dad tends to get really angry sometimes. It scares us a little, but we’re used to it. I just don’t understand why he always has to slaughter one of our pets. That’s all I have to say on the matter.”