A DIFFERENT TAKE

Election in Massachusetts Reveals Increasing Frustration with Gypsies

By: G.T. Johnson

The national debate over universal healthcare coverage for gypsies may have hit its climax with the Massachusetts special election to fill the senate seat vacated by the late Edward Kennedy. A victory by Attorney General Martha Coakley would have given Harry Reid the 60th vote he needed to pass the controversial GypsyCare through the Senate. However, the key vote was lost in the victory by anti-gypsy candidate Scott Brown, who previously gained national attention in 1954 when he filed suit against the Board of Education of Topeka and paved way for the integration of public schools. Brown’s victory in a state like Massachusetts reflects the increasing frustration that citizens across the country have revealed towards gypsies and their shenanigans.

In cities such as New York, people who regularly walk to work have been taking longer, less convenient routes in order to avoid packs of these mysterious vagabonds. A 29 year-old investment banker working in Manhattan has been warning friends and co-workers about the very real threats posed by gypsies, especially the young ones. “Gypsy children seem really cute at first because they’re colorful and look like the little boys from Hook. You really can’t help from clapping your hands and dancing when they surround you on the streets. But by the time you get home you realize your wallet is stolen, your bank account is wiped out, and you’re facing foreclosure.”

In the last decade, gypsy thievery has left thousands of people unable to pay their mortgage, and polls show that 78% of Americans name the resulting housing collapse and economic recession as the largest annoyance they have had to put up with. This causes many to passionately reject the notion of free health coverage for gypsies, which has become the hottest issue since President Obama took office. Health insurance providers frequently deny coverage to gypsies and powerful gypsy unions have been lobbying Washington for years to pass some sort of government funded coverage plan. Backers of this plan are now pointing to the earthquake in Haiti as what might happen when you do not give gypsies what they want. “I heard Pat Robertson talk about a deal that Haiti made with the gypsies some time ago, and this earthquake was the result of some gypsy curse,” remarked a GypsyCare supporter in Boston. “I think that sounds about right. Haiti’s probably a place where stuff like that happens.”

Evident by Scott Brown’s victory, Massachusetts voters do not see GypsyCare as a solution. They point to the state level healthcare program signed into law by Mitt Romney which provided free healthcare to all gypsies in Massachusetts. The idea was that gypsies would be satisfied by high quality healthcare at zero cost, but results have not been promising. On the campaign trail Scott Brown explained, “You think a trip to the doctor’s office is going to quell a gypsy’s child-like impulse to steal? Only if it comes with your watch, wedding ring, and youngest child.”